I’m just so sick and tired of people. A few things happened last week & I just need to share this with someone, hope you don’t mind. This is also why I haven’t answered some of your messages yet - I’m sorry for that.
First, I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 and a half years a couple of days ago. This was so hard for me to do because I still loved him, but we were in a long distance relationship and it was taking its toll on me. He lives in Belgium right now and I live in the Netherlands, we maybe saw each other once a month for 5 days. Belgium isn’t that far away (it’s 5 hours by train from where I live), but the point is that we’ve been doing this for so long now. He has studied in England for a year, I stayed in the Netherlands. He has worked in Thailand for a few months, I stayed in the Netherlands. I truly hoped we could REALLY be together at some point but I just didn’t see this happening anymore. Another thing is that lately I noticed that I was the one who kept the whole relationship going. I asked him when we should meet and what we should do, I texted him that I loved him, I was the one who called him. He said he was just really busy with work but I couldn’t help feeling so alone. We were together but at the same time I was alone. I felt like I couldn’t do this anymore with him because all the effort came from me and I started feeling exhausted because I noticed that I gave way more to him than I ever received. And being in a relationship does not mean that one person fights for it while the other one just sits down and does nothing. So I broke up with him - which was bad enough already, but the worst thing is the way he reacted. Like he just didn’t care. He said something like: “oh well there’s nothing I can do about it, it’s just the circumstances”. He was so calm about it while I was crying because I lost the first person I truly cared about - he meant the world to me. From the way he reacted I get the feeling like I never meant as much to him as he did to me. And that hurts so much.
Secondly, me and my sister love eating healthy and exercising (fitness, running, swimming). We also have our own Instagram (fitgirlsfunnn) on which we post pictures of the things we eat, of our work-outs and of the progress we make. A week ago my aunt came over to visit us and she started talking about the pictures on our Instagram. She said my nieces had shown our page to her and her husband and to their parents and they were “shocked”. My sister had anorexia for approximately 2 years when she was 14, she’s now 23 years old. They had seen pictures of my sister’s stomach on our Instagram and they were saying that she looked anorexic again. They had all talked about us and were saying that we “looked so unhealthy” and that they “were just so concerned” because we were “extremely thin”. I was so SO mad when I heard this. First of all, we both eat A LOT, up to 3000 calories a day because we exercise a lot. Secondly, our goal is not to lose weight but to GAIN weight by gaining lean muscle. Thirdly, who are they to judge us when it is obvious that they know nothing about fitness or health for that matter? My mother defended us, as any good mom would do, and said that we both were eating very well and that what we were doing right now is the complete opposite of being anorexic. It’s called getting fit, you should try it sometimes dear family… Me and my sister are both furious. Talking nonsense about us behind our back, what kind of family is that? The worst thing is that the next day, my uncle gave us a call and started yelling at my mom, saying: “why did you shout (she wasn’t even shouting by the way) at my wife, she was only worried about your unhealthy kids!” Unbelievable. And then he said that they didn’t want to have contact with us anymore. Just because my mom stood up for us and said they were wrong (which they are). How twisted can some people be. A friend of mine said that they were just jealous because they are overweight themselves. Looks like we wouldn’t get any comments when we posted pictures of us eating at McDonalds every day.
Thirdly, the friend I mentioned above. I really like him. I was feeling so alone in my relationship and I noticed that I liked talking to him so much. And he seemed to enjoy talking to me too. He was always approaching me first, smiling at me, staring at me, making me laugh. I really felt comfortable with him. The reasons I mentioned above for breaking up with my boyfriend are still the main reasons. But I guess that because I was feeling so alone in my relationship, there became room for someone else who did give me attention and who did seem to enjoy hanging out with me. I’m not going to say that I’m in love with him because I’m not, but I like him a lot and I would like for us to become good friends at least. Here’s the thing: he has a girlfriend. My intention is not to come between them, I just want to be friends because it is obvious that we have a connection - and I don’t have that connection with many people. But I notice the way he and his girlfriend act when they are together. They have no chemistry at all. She constantly snaps at him. They barely talk. And he secretely looks at me more than just a few times when he’s with her. I thought that maybe he could be just a womanizer so I asked my best friend who was in class with him for 5 years (so she really knows him well). She said that if anyone wasn’t a womanizer and a player it would be him. She said he was calm, sweet and that his ex-girlfriend in highschool had said about him that he was her Prince Charming. Oh and he also likes sports and has a really hot body… I think I kind of hoped that he would be a player because then I could just delete him from my mind. But obviously he is everything I look for in a guy. I know I just came from a relationship and that I need time to get over my ex. But a part of me thinks that I’m a bit over him already because he never had time for me. And I can’t deny that this guy is on my mind so often. However, lately the way he behaves towards me has changed. My best friend said that his girlfriend might have said to him that he can’t be friends with me. We used to send messages sometimes on facebook - just friendly messages, I also asked him about his girlfriend and stuff - but all of a sudden he doesn’t reply anymore. Which leaves me confused because when I see him in real life he is still acting like he always did - smiling, talking, laughing. Saying my hair looks pretty. Saying he likes my clothes. Saying that what I said to him was sweet. I just don’t know what to do - I guess I just have to be patient but I can’t be friends with him if his girlfriend says he can’t be friends with me obviously.
So sorry for all the rambling - and thank you if you have read this <3 Would love to hear what you guys think! Will answer your messages really soon I promise